do you remember my body?

i remember yours. every cruve, ever twist, every turn, every beauty mark, i remember it all.

i remember your skin, you had such soft skin, i loved the way your skin smelled, i love the way it felt, especially next to mine.

i remember the palms of your hands, the nape of your neck, the small of your back. i remember it all. i traced ever single one of them over and over again and i remember it all so well.

i dont think so much about the sexuality of it all, rather the beauty.

your lips; when they kissed mine, when the kissed my skin. the way you ran your hand across my neck. i remember it all. we looked beautiful together.

i remember the way i loved my body around you, and the way you loved my body, the way you were greatful for it. thats something so rare. we could lie together for hours and not move, not speak; i was in heaven.

you were beautiful, you always will be. everything about you in my eyes is beauty. and i can remember it all so crisp, so fresh. you were my beautiful boy.

that beauty will never fade. it will never leave my mind. its like a silent movie that plays over and over yet never gets old.

your eyes, i saw everything in those eyes. my past and my future. beautiful brown eyes. they were always open, always observing. did they observe me? did they freeze those images and store them as mine have? do you remember my body? do you remeber the way it fit with yours?  i do. i always will...

im tired. so tired.

i hate to know what loss is. to know what it feels like, feels like from the inside.

its like one big dream, and i swear ill wake up, but i dont, and im never going to. 

 this is my reality, this is my new truth.

these are the cards ive been dealth, and this is the way my life is going to be.

it will be there forever though. in my head, forever.

what it almost was, the way everything almost was.

 the way everything almost changed.

this will be imprinted on my mind forever now.

high school, college, first job, husband, and first child.

its going to be there forever.

this is my life now, and it will forever be altered, because of a single afternoon of fun.

i can never go back to normal again, all the innocence is gone, i am now a bonafide adult, and i never asked to be.

lets go get drunk and we can talk about our crazy dreams,
talk about how we swore that really happened.
thats when the tears start to fall.
rolling slowly down your face.
and it will all fall down.
now you know im scared.
now you know i don't want to see the end.
death was peaceful before but now its all blue and black.
come on, come take me outside,
 outside where i can wish upon a star.
wish that you never got involved with these tears.
never had to be there to kiss them all away.
im sorry that i ever said yes.
lets just wish upon this star and watch it all fall down.
the morning wont come for me anymore so just kiss my tears away.
but what about those crazy dreams?
they're all ripped apart now.
im so sorry you have to face these tears.
cuz theres a dreamless sleep comming on tonight.

like a childhood dream, alive

found yourself in the barrel of a gun.

choked in an absent vacation land

snowy TV screen predicts small town fate.

yeah, i guess we found ourselves tonight.

like weak seafoam we crash hard onto this shorline,

and you'll be my silver-lined angel tonight,

come to switch my teeth for change.

so together we'll dedicate the next line to those we've loved and lost.

so take a sip of gin and relax,

because this ones for you;

spectacular disaster, holy plan from high above.

more gas more trip, more trip more trash,

i guess thats the way it goes.

IS ANYONE HERE ALIVE?

guess thats the way it goes.

now as these drugs take over, we wont fall short tonight.

and im still away for now,

but we've got an agenda for tomorrow,

so i'll make it home somehow.

seems i've found myself this evening.

on this shorline, in this sea.

please touh me one more time,

before this vacation land is gone, before this drug has no effect.

i guess thats the way it goes,

eyes full of accusation,

you say thats the way it goes.